Life Explained...

This was sent to me by a coworker.

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you...

Weekend Fun

This last weekend ended up being a bit of fun. Saturday, I made the trip down to Portland, Oregon to visit a friend (the one who came up to help me move).

Anyway, it turns out that it was gay pride down there. Now in the past, I've avoided those events like the plague. When I was younger, I went but as I got older, it lost its appeal... same with going out to the clubs.

Since my friend likes to hit the clubs every once in awhile, I figured I'd actually head out with him (usually, it's like pulling teeth to get me out). Besides, I thought it'd be a good warm-up for my trip to Vancouver, BC in August.

The evening turned out to be a lot of fun. There was a long line to get into the place so we struck up a conversation with the group behind us; two girls and a guy. This continued in the club as well; we all danced and drank together.

For once, the music was actually good enough (my opinion only) to dance to. Now THAT was a nice long bit of cardio. I'm no pro at dancing, but at least I didn't stumble into anyone.

So, as the night continued into morning, we moved over to the other dance floor; difference music that was mixed live. At first, it wasn't as good as the other music, but still enough to dance to. The DJ was not that good either. At one point, he couldn't find the song he wanted so he just left the current song repeating the same bit over and over and over and over and over again until he found what he was looking for. Now that was a bit annoying.

To add to the annoyance, some queen (yes, I'm using that term here as a derogatory) had some glow sticks on strings and was twirling them around smacking everyone in the head (and quite clueless to the fact as well). So, music stuck like a broken record and the fear of loosing an eye combined to suck the fun out of that situation. Thank goodness, the queen moved on and the DJ found that there are more songs than just the one he was repeating.

About this time, I leave the girls on the dance floor (they were dancing with each other and the other guys on the floor so I didn't leave them alone)... anyway, I headed back over to the other side of the club and ran into my friend again. We ended up getting in line for some more alcohol.

He gets the bright idea of getting shots of Tequila in addition to the mixed drinks. We shoot the Tequila and I pretty quickly down my mixed drink.

This side of the club is lighter and has better eye candy so we ended up staying there. Now the question is, is the eye candy here because it is brighter; more to be seen by, or is it lighter because the eye candy hangs out here? Hmmm... somehow, I think its the former. If only I can get that elusive six-pack, then I might consider taking my shirt off.

Last call came at 2 am and my friend and I figured we'd check the other dance floor to say good bye to the girls and guy we entered the club with. Couldn't find them.

I was ready to leave but my friend wanted to sober up a bit before leaving. I think he just wanted to watch people for a bit longer. The kicker here is that he was on the tipsy side but I was pretty sober... OK, on the happy side of sober. I don't know why I didn't get drunk; by all accounts, I should have been quite drunk since I had a lot of alcohol.

Total count was 2 shots of Vodka at my friend's place, a shot of Tequila, and 2 Screwdrivers. As most of my friends will attest to, I should have been drunk.

OK, back to the closing hours of the night. I went to stand by the wall and left my friend to people watch by himself. As it turned out, I ended up watching the new DJ who was quite nice to look at. Soon thereafter, this guy walks up and strikes up a conversation with me. He was a Japanese, German, and Polynesian mix... oh, and had his shirt off as well. Not bad.

We ended up talking (more like shouting) and danced a bit. He's got the Polynesian Hula down pat. Now that was actually pretty sexy dancing close behind him during the Hula hip movement part. Anyway, it went no further than hugging (my choice actually since one-night stands are more work that I cared to deal with that night).

We closed the club down (3 am), exchanged numbers (well, he has mine in his cell phone but I had nothing to write his down with), and parted ways. I met back up with my friend and we walked back to his place where we ended up talking for another hour. Finally, at 4 am, we headed to bed. God, I have not stayed up that late since college; was fun though.

Sunday was pretty low key and I headed back to Seattle in the afternoon.

Overall, it was a fun trip considering that I usually find the best looking guy with the best body in the room and compare myself to that. I did purposely stay away from the mirrors at the club though. It's best if I don't see myself next to the eye candies on display. Ha Ha!

ps: I took this picture with my cellphone on Sunday. The vine was on our walk to Starbucks in Portland; yup, have to have my coffee in the morning! Kinda cool flower though I'm not sure what kind it is.

Health & Fitness: The Road to 40

So here’s the deal. Obviously, I have been hitting the gym this year; I just have not been good about doing the weekly update on my progress. Since I’m lazier than Homer Simpson on a Sunday afternoon, I doubt I’ll be giving y’all weekly write-ups on my gym adventures (or lack thereof) anytime soon.

That does not mean that I’ve forsaken the gym; I’ve just forsaken the extra work of figuring out what to say about it on a weekly basis. As a result, I’ve discovered that the good people at Google have provided a nifty calendar for the masses. On this calendar, I will enter the days that I got a workout in. I have also entered all workouts for this year (previous years might be added later); yes, I keep a record of my workouts. I should have a much easier time keeping this up to date than posting every Friday on the week’s adventures.

Anyway, check out the sidebar. That is the new location of “The Road to 40” workout calendar.