Wanting It Both Ways

So I was at the gym again today (five for five, yea for me)… anyway, I was getting dressed for work in the locker room and noticed that one of the trainers came in and was changing his clothes. Of course, I had to steal a look (get your mind out of the gutter; I was checking his chest out, not his private parts). He is pretty cute but young looking and his body is definitely well developed. One might say that he is one of my many types.

Well, this whole situation got me thinking. I found that I actually got depressed looking at him. While I typically get depressed because I do not yet have that kind of physique, this time it was more for the fact that the guy didn’t even know I was there. In other words, he didn’t ask me out on a date. Yup, that was what I was thinking; go figure.

First off, why would I assume anyone would ask me out on a date in the gym locker room; it’s not like I talk to people in there. Second, why would he ask me out? I doubt he is gay, and even if he was, why would he risk his job hitting on one of the customers?

In public I don’t go around advertising my gayness and as such tend to overcompensate trying to look straight; not to mention that I get real shy around good looking guys. As a result, I come across either straight or as a stuck-up snob, or both. Now, in a gay bar that is a bit different; after I’ve had some alcohol to lighten up of course.

Another issue I got to thinking about was the whole looks/body versus personality concept. I am definitely attracted to athletic bodies but this labels me as a shallow prick since it’s what’s on the inside that counts. I am torn because looks and body only go so far in a relationship; without a personality nothing long-lasting will come of it.

When looking for a date, at what point does one know enough of someone’s personality to not require a physical attraction. I suppose that if you are around someone for awhile (say you work with them), that person who did not have “the look” might become attractive to you as you get to know their personality. However, if it’s a shorter period of time, say at a party or bar (or gym), one only has looks to go from when choosing who to strike up a conversation with.

This leads me to ask if brawns and personality are mutually exclusive. By not talking to the so-so looking guy (who might have a stellar personality) and talking to the brawny guy (who might have only a so-so personality), have I lost out? Does sexual attraction trump mental attraction? Where is the delineation point between the two?

Two Men Kissing: The Inconvenient Truth

While looking around the internet a couple of days ago, I came across a My Space page that stood out. Of course, the reason for the attention was that it was the site of a pro bodybuilder and he has pictures of himself posing. Not bad at all (in fact, I think he’ll be featured on the “...in the eye of the beholder” blog in the coming days).

Anyway, I read what he had to say (yes, I went there for the articles as well). One thing caught my eye though; he requested that people who wanted to be on his friends list should not have inappropriate stuff on their site. He lists pornographic images but also singles out “two men kissing.”

That got me thinking. Why is it that a man and a woman kissing is nothing of concern yet two men kissing is pornographic? Of course, most of the time the general population never sees two men kissing in mainstream movies and TV shows. To them, it’s something they’ve only heard about from gay pornography. Nonetheless, it’s a double standard.

I think for many, homosexuality is only about sex. That’s partially right and goes without question since it’s the definition.

ho•mo•sex•u•al (hō'mə-sěk'shōō-əl, -mō-)
adj. Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.

Dictionary.com

Interestingly enough though, listed as a side note is the following:

Usage Note: Many people now avoid using homosexual because of the emphasis this term places on sexuality. Indeed, the words gay and lesbian, which stress cultural and social matters over sex, are frequently better choices...

This gets right to my point. Since people generally think that it’s only about the sex, they cannot see it in any other way. As a result, they think that a picture of two men kissing is pornographic; they choose to see it as sex and not a show of love and romance.

For this guy (I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt), my guess is that he had the misfortune to attract some guys who indeed had pornographic pictures on their sites that included men kissing in the heat of sexual passion. Lord knows the internet is full of those images. Even when I searched for a picture showing men kissing to post with this text I mostly found only pornography.

Keep in mind that just as with straight guys, there is an equal percentage of gay guys who are only about their next sexual conquest (can anyone say “Spring Break Florida” for both gays and straights). However, there is also an equal percentage of gay guys who are monogamous and looking for a life partner to share more than just a bed with. In other words, the makeup of the gay population is similar to that of the straight population.

It is only a matter of time before people in the United States see men kissing for what it usually is; a show of love and romance. And then that perverse bubble will finally be popped.

Ignorance Is Bliss

Sunday I stopped off at my local Starbucks (yup, I'm one of those idiots who pay US$300.00 for a cup of coffee)... anyway, as I was waiting for my coffee, I noticed the music playing overhead. Of course it was Christmas music; that time of year I guess.

Since I grew up in a Christian household, Christmas was an important part of the religion. We celebrated all parts of it including the music. As a result, I am still programmed to get that warm fuzzy feeling when I hear the stuff and this time was no different.

I actually have nothing against most of the music; believe it or not, I actually like music from many religions. Anyway, I was listening to the song and singing along in my mind... until it got to the part of "...Christ was born on Christmas Day."

* cue sound of screeching tires *

My mind could not deal with that outright lie and the warm fuzzy feeling faded quickly. Even most Bible scholars agree that Christ was not “born on Christmas Day.”

This got me thinking. I went from warm and fuzzy to cold and not-so-fuzzy. The lies that are perpetuated by those in religious power are unacceptable. However, a part of me longed for that time where I was more ignorant to such things. That state of being where ignorance bliss; there is something to be said about that.

Now keep in mind that ignorance is the root of most evil in the world today... but for those who are ignorant about the world but still do not judge (a rare bread indeed), I have a small amount of envy. To live a life without being connected to the rest of the world; to be able to have traditions and blindly follow them to the grave without ever feeling like you need to question them... now that would be bliss.

But unfortunately, any bliss one might have would be short-lived as the world is getting smaller by the minute. Even the most remote places are being suberbed into the rest of civilization. And when bliss is interrupted by the rude truth, usually ignorance turns into hatred and then pure evil.

Believe it or not, I actually have nothing against evil. Without evil, there can be no good. Just like a coin that has two sides; it cannot exist without one or the other; humanity cannot exist without good and evil. This is how we have our “soul;” an individuality that allows us to choose the path we follow. Even most religions got this one right.

In Christianity, there is God and Satan; the proverbial “good” and “evil.” However, I prefer to think of them only as Yin and Yang. God cannot exist without Satan and Satan not without God; they actually compliment each other. That, of course, differs from Christianity where their God is to defeat Satan. Notice though, that even their God does not eliminate Satan; he just casts him out.

Anyway, I’m not sure how I went from Christmas music to Satan, but there you have it, my ramblings for the day.

Hiking the Mountains

Recently a hiker was lost in the woods up here in Washington State. This hiker figured that if they "stay the course" and continue hiking blindly into the woods, they might find a way out... wrong.

Anyway, today’s Seattle Times paper is full of letters to the editor about the foolishness of the hiker and what she could have/should have done. The following letter stood out from the rest; not because of its admonition of the hiker, but because of its defense of hikers in general. Pay close attention to the last line.

Saving grace
Doug Mercer's cautionary comments in "Dark side of the mountain: a climber's obligation" [guest commentary, Nov. 22] on one's responsibility to not die foolishly in the mountains are well-taken: It's selfish to forget about the ones left behind to do the crying.

Yet he almost makes it sound like we all go to the mountains for the thrill of danger.

That may be part of it, but I think we also go to the mountains for the same reason others go to church.

— John Wolff, Seattle

That last line says it all. “...I think we also go to the mountains for the same reason others go to church.”

How profound. I would have never thought to put it in those exact words, but I think this is as good as any and it allows meaning to be interpreted by the individual.

Homogenized Milk

I’ve always valued the diversity of Urban America. You can walk down the street and see a hundred different skin tones and hear twenty different languages. This gives character and teaches one to not be afraid of that which they do not understand. Living in Seattle has definitely expanded my horizons and taught me to value most (no one is perfect) everyone.

However, on some of my hikes over the years, I have been to small country towns and one thing always stood out to me. These towns are usually very homogenized with only white people looking almost like zombies. Not to say that under the surface they were not good people, however, living a “sheltered” life, they are usually misinformed about the world and tend to fear that which they do not understand.

On the debate of English as the official language of the US… why? I think it’s just small-town-head-in-the-sand thinking. This thinking is already harming America because of the lack of Arabic speaking citizens. Instead of having an official language, we should require that everyone be bilingual. It’d defiantly make us more competitive in the world.

Anyway, I think this letter to the editor in the Seattle PI is quite eloquent and pretty much says it all.

Coffee shop tale shows need for multiple languages

The English-as-official-language debate ended for me one morning at my neighborhood coffee shop where caffeine and politics mix in a volatile and dangerous way. The topic came up, people ranted about immigrants and raved about patriotism when out of the vitriol and noise came the steady voice of an old man.

He said, "If it had not been for the Navajo language, we never would have been able to keep a secret from the Japanese in World War II." The room fell silent for a moment; you could hear the sound of a spoon stirring milk into a fresh cup.

That settled the debate for me. America is stronger for her rich diversity.

Carl Nelson
Seattle