When Pigs Fly

This in today's Seattle Times, Letters to the Editor; priceless.

Left is right
Right is revelation

Saturday I read The Times by the light of sunrise streaming in through my west-facing window. In the sports section, I learned that Satan is holding tryouts for a hockey team.

Turning to the business section, I found that Boeing announced design changes for the Dreamliner. It seems that the engine intakes will be equipped with pig-catchers.

And on the front page ["Out of right field, conservatives gush over Clinton," July 25], the 2-inch-tall headline proclaims, "Charles Krauthammer said something nice about Hillary."

-- Howard Hance, Snohomish

Reggie: Pet Food Recall (Update)

I finally heard back from Hills about Reggie’s untimely demise. They have determined that they are not responsible for his renal failure. Apparently, the food I bought was from a batch before the tainted ingredients were involved.

I realize that renal failure is common in cats but it’s still hard to deal with sometimes. With the guilt of thinking I didn’t do enough to keep him healthy coming back, you’d think I was Catholic after all; now where did I put those Rosary Beads.

Anyway, there you have it; the final word.

Galaxy Zoo

Have you ever wanted to be an astronomer but didn’t really have the time or money to feed that hobby? Well, now you can!

The good folks over at Galaxy Zoo have created a program that enlists the help of us human computers on the web (it’s along the lines of what SETI did but instead of using your computer, they use you). Basically, real computers can’t (as of yet) determine details as well as their human counterparts. As a result, they need us to help classify the multitudes of galaxies that have been imaged.

Yes, it gets kinda boring after awhile but you can see some pretty cool galaxies that no one else has seen yet. Isn’t the universe an awesome place!

So, if interested, head over there and give it a shot. You have to take a quick tutorial and test and then you are up and running.

Democracy, the great American joke!

I think I’ll chime in on current political affairs. You might have noticed that I have tried to stay away from that awful mess known as the Government of the United States of America. However, I am getting quite tired of our “elected” officials catering to money and self interest. Since I have no chance of getting elected (to any post) I’ll just rant away on the internet instead.

Previous presidents have done it and now our own King is doing it. King George has a forked tongue (for that matter, most in politics do). The willful arrogance of thinking they are above the law is just astounding.

Keep in mind, I don’t toe the party line but tend to be more Democratic in my thinking than Republican. The following are just some random questions/issues that have been floating around in my head:

1. What is with the idea that a lie is OK as long as it is not under oath? All lies should be penalized.

2. What is with signing statements? There are no line-item vetoes for the President. As such, signing statements should not be allowed. Let’s put it in terms that Bush can understand; you are either for the bill or against it.

3. What is up with the new four branches of government? Cheney thinks that his office is not part of the executive branch? WTF!

4. Congress! Don’t even get me started with Congress. Well, OK, just a little bit. It was my understanding that the reason for the three (now four) branches of government was to provide oversight of the other two (three). Congress has allowed the executive branch to take full control over the judicial branch as well as walk all over the Constitution. Congress has failed in their roll.

5. Most, if not all, politicians are in bed with large lobbying groups. This should be illegal (if it is not already). As such, politicians are incapable of protecting the Constitution and the average Joe. The only things they protect are the rights of big business to walk all over customers. Case in point; credit card companies’ have the ability to change the terms of agreement any time they feel like it. Rather unfair business practice if you ask me.

6. Our President, Vice President, much of their cabinets, the previous Congress’ Republican leaders, the current Congress’ Democratic leaders, many officials at the Pentagon, and many in the judicial branch of government are guilty of treason. As such, they should be tried, convicted, and executed for high crimes against the United States. Law and order must be returned to our government or America will go down in history as one of the worse experiments ever.

Strong words with little to back them up (I know) but that is my feeling. Under the strictest definition of the law (taking in account all of the loop holes), none will be tried and convicted. It is actually a shame.

Where America is concerned, there is honor among thieves.


Now, no rant would be worth anything (and many of mine aren’t) unless a solution was given (save executing everyone and starting over).

1. Make me dictator. That would solve all the problems. I’d even disappear some of the worse abusers of the system.

Well, maybe that will not happen, not like any of this will, but here are some better ideas.

2. Limit the money that is spent on any political race to that which is provided by a specific election fund. Everyone running has a certain amount that they are given and, in the words of Tim on Project Runway, have to “make it work.” Any political ads by “friends of” and “Swift boat” types would be illegal.

3. Term limits, term limits, term limits! Get rid of career politicians and you might have a fighting chance of getting something done around here.

4. Bring back debates. Not that made for TV crap they feed us these days. Give us a stage and podiums (debaters get no say in anything). Give us pointed questions that the debaters do not know ahead of time. And for the love of what ever god/goddess you believe in, make the debaters debate ONE ANOTHER! Duh! I’m talking about “a formal contest in which the affirmative and negative sides of a proposition are advocated by opposing speakers.” Let them talk to each other and rip the other’s arguments apart! How hard can that be?

5. Make people accountable for what they say. None of this “say something long enough and people will believe it” crap! Have a bipartisan (independent?) office whose sole purpose is to fact check (like Fact Check dot com maybe). Only this one will have more push in informing people of the errors in what a politician says.

6. Given that the above will never happen (hey, I’m an optimist right?), how about we just create American President TV show. Contestants, er, uh, I mean contenders will get up in front of a studio and TV audience and sing, dance, and do dog tricks. Then, just like American Idol, the public can phone in their choice.

With politicians, who needs terrorists? or in the words of... uh, what's his name in the movie Hunt for Red October, "and when I'm not kissing babies, I'm stealing their lollypops."

Well, there you have it, another useless rant.

Life Explained...

This was sent to me by a coworker.

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you...

Weekend Fun

This last weekend ended up being a bit of fun. Saturday, I made the trip down to Portland, Oregon to visit a friend (the one who came up to help me move).

Anyway, it turns out that it was gay pride down there. Now in the past, I've avoided those events like the plague. When I was younger, I went but as I got older, it lost its appeal... same with going out to the clubs.

Since my friend likes to hit the clubs every once in awhile, I figured I'd actually head out with him (usually, it's like pulling teeth to get me out). Besides, I thought it'd be a good warm-up for my trip to Vancouver, BC in August.

The evening turned out to be a lot of fun. There was a long line to get into the place so we struck up a conversation with the group behind us; two girls and a guy. This continued in the club as well; we all danced and drank together.

For once, the music was actually good enough (my opinion only) to dance to. Now THAT was a nice long bit of cardio. I'm no pro at dancing, but at least I didn't stumble into anyone.

So, as the night continued into morning, we moved over to the other dance floor; difference music that was mixed live. At first, it wasn't as good as the other music, but still enough to dance to. The DJ was not that good either. At one point, he couldn't find the song he wanted so he just left the current song repeating the same bit over and over and over and over and over again until he found what he was looking for. Now that was a bit annoying.

To add to the annoyance, some queen (yes, I'm using that term here as a derogatory) had some glow sticks on strings and was twirling them around smacking everyone in the head (and quite clueless to the fact as well). So, music stuck like a broken record and the fear of loosing an eye combined to suck the fun out of that situation. Thank goodness, the queen moved on and the DJ found that there are more songs than just the one he was repeating.

About this time, I leave the girls on the dance floor (they were dancing with each other and the other guys on the floor so I didn't leave them alone)... anyway, I headed back over to the other side of the club and ran into my friend again. We ended up getting in line for some more alcohol.

He gets the bright idea of getting shots of Tequila in addition to the mixed drinks. We shoot the Tequila and I pretty quickly down my mixed drink.

This side of the club is lighter and has better eye candy so we ended up staying there. Now the question is, is the eye candy here because it is brighter; more to be seen by, or is it lighter because the eye candy hangs out here? Hmmm... somehow, I think its the former. If only I can get that elusive six-pack, then I might consider taking my shirt off.

Last call came at 2 am and my friend and I figured we'd check the other dance floor to say good bye to the girls and guy we entered the club with. Couldn't find them.

I was ready to leave but my friend wanted to sober up a bit before leaving. I think he just wanted to watch people for a bit longer. The kicker here is that he was on the tipsy side but I was pretty sober... OK, on the happy side of sober. I don't know why I didn't get drunk; by all accounts, I should have been quite drunk since I had a lot of alcohol.

Total count was 2 shots of Vodka at my friend's place, a shot of Tequila, and 2 Screwdrivers. As most of my friends will attest to, I should have been drunk.

OK, back to the closing hours of the night. I went to stand by the wall and left my friend to people watch by himself. As it turned out, I ended up watching the new DJ who was quite nice to look at. Soon thereafter, this guy walks up and strikes up a conversation with me. He was a Japanese, German, and Polynesian mix... oh, and had his shirt off as well. Not bad.

We ended up talking (more like shouting) and danced a bit. He's got the Polynesian Hula down pat. Now that was actually pretty sexy dancing close behind him during the Hula hip movement part. Anyway, it went no further than hugging (my choice actually since one-night stands are more work that I cared to deal with that night).

We closed the club down (3 am), exchanged numbers (well, he has mine in his cell phone but I had nothing to write his down with), and parted ways. I met back up with my friend and we walked back to his place where we ended up talking for another hour. Finally, at 4 am, we headed to bed. God, I have not stayed up that late since college; was fun though.

Sunday was pretty low key and I headed back to Seattle in the afternoon.

Overall, it was a fun trip considering that I usually find the best looking guy with the best body in the room and compare myself to that. I did purposely stay away from the mirrors at the club though. It's best if I don't see myself next to the eye candies on display. Ha Ha!

ps: I took this picture with my cellphone on Sunday. The vine was on our walk to Starbucks in Portland; yup, have to have my coffee in the morning! Kinda cool flower though I'm not sure what kind it is.

Health & Fitness: The Road to 40

So here’s the deal. Obviously, I have been hitting the gym this year; I just have not been good about doing the weekly update on my progress. Since I’m lazier than Homer Simpson on a Sunday afternoon, I doubt I’ll be giving y’all weekly write-ups on my gym adventures (or lack thereof) anytime soon.

That does not mean that I’ve forsaken the gym; I’ve just forsaken the extra work of figuring out what to say about it on a weekly basis. As a result, I’ve discovered that the good people at Google have provided a nifty calendar for the masses. On this calendar, I will enter the days that I got a workout in. I have also entered all workouts for this year (previous years might be added later); yes, I keep a record of my workouts. I should have a much easier time keeping this up to date than posting every Friday on the week’s adventures.

Anyway, check out the sidebar. That is the new location of “The Road to 40” workout calendar.

Across the Universe (Pleasantville)

Now this is a trippy version... pretty cool actually.

Per YouTube, "Uncut music video for the song, "Across The Universe," by Fiona Apple (written by John Lennon), from the motion picture soundtrack, Pleasantville."

'Across the Universe

Going To A Town